Myself

When You Still Love People Who Did Terrible Things to You

IMG_1278Frequently as I can manage, I stand with my toes in the wet sand and stare out at the Pacific Ocean. The amount of revelations I have had while standing on some San Diego County beach is endless. I spend all my time inside my own head: thinking, wondering, processing.

I remember once as a kid, boogie boarding with my family. My boogie board flipped over and for too long, I couldn’t get on the other side. I was stuck underneath the board. When I finally was able to push the board out of my way (after being sure of my death), my mom and brother were a few feet away, laughing and playing. It was the first time I understood the ocean as a terrible force. I still loved it, but it terrified me.

Something being terrifying and horrible does not stop love. Continue reading “When You Still Love People Who Did Terrible Things to You”

Myself

We Just Want to be Liked

unnamed“We need one another. There’s no reason to judge. People are more fragile than you could possibly imagine.”

– Jamie Tworkowski If You Feel Too Much

Last night I got dinner with two young men that I hadn’t spent quality time with in over a year. The last time I had hung out with either of them individually, neither was allowed to legally drink. Now the three of us sat around a table drinking beer and eating sliders. (OK, I had cider, but the cashier called it a beer when he handed it to me. SO. Counts.)

Anxiety became a topic of conversation between us, and the words coming from one of them echoed what I had been processing lately. Anxious thoughts, flashbacks, triggering moments… they need to exist in what they are. Pushing down the anxiety and trying to control it will make it worse.  Continue reading “We Just Want to be Liked”

Christianity, Myself

When Evil Prevails

All this being said: there IS good, and friends are part of that.
All this being said: there IS good, and for me – my friends are part of that.

It’s easier to write about struggles after they have happened. We look back and the lessons God was trying to teach us seem obvious (although I wonder if perhaps we are wrong about those sometimes.)

When you’re in the middle of horrible situations… how do you write? How can you speak? When someone asks you, “How’s stuff with God?” and you just shrug?  Continue reading “When Evil Prevails”