What if We’re STILL Wrong About God?

serenalolHow did I wind up so interested in theology? I think the spark may have been lit in high school, as I remember being frustrated the way I’d basically memorize my youth pastor’s sermon points, but couldn’t retain anything in my AP Calculus class.

Then perhaps it was further dived into when the boy I had a crush on when I was 18 and 19 years old would talk to me late into the night about C.S. Lewis books and quotes. By 20, I was reading popular modern Christian authors as I tried to argue against this friend’s Rob Bell-type beliefs during that whole Love Wins / Erasing Hell madness in the Christian community (if you don’t know about that: good.) I’d even work out at the gym listening to David Platt sermons. Then my world started to break, and my beliefs in the world were challenged, and I tried to walk away from all the debates and arguments and appeals to emotion or intellect for awhile. I didn’t want to figure out the divide between the spiritual and the flesh anymore. I was tired. I was sore from watching the hate. Continue reading “What if We’re STILL Wrong About God?”

Christianity, Church

A Spot at the Table (Communion)

IMG_9313Communion. Eucharist. The Divine Meal. What does it all mean? Why do churches partake in this every Sunday, or twice a year, or in between church services the first Sunday of the month? Why are there so many arguments about what it means from a theological standpoint?

Throughout Christian history, so much has been said on Eucharist and what it means. I grew up Catholic, so Communion was very particular. We had a lot of rules and a lot of regulations. I took lessons for my First Communion when I was in 2nd grade, an event I wore a clean and white dress for. When I look back to that day, I remember feeling excluded by my peers, but I can’t remember why. I think they wouldn’t let me take a photo with them. My teacher was nice enough to take a photo with me. But then when I ate the paper flakes and drank the wine, it felt Holy.

I was an altar server for awhile, so I can’t tell you how many times I watched the Catholic Transfiguration of the bread and wine into the Body and Blood. To this day, however, I still don’t quite understand the concept. What I did understand? That there were a LOT of rules. I had to do confession twice a year. I had to keep going to Mass. I couldn’t get married outside the church. I couldn’t get divorced. I couldn’t have sex. All of these things would limit access to the Eucharist.

When I went to Protestant churches later on, the little juice cups got passed around with the little bread pieces attached… or at chapels in college, I’d tear off a piece of bread and dip it in the juice. I no longer believed that I was eating the Body of Jesus Christ, but something kept drawing me back to it.  Continue reading “A Spot at the Table (Communion)”


When You Still Love People Who Did Terrible Things to You

IMG_1278Frequently as I can manage, I stand with my toes in the wet sand and stare out at the Pacific Ocean. The amount of revelations I have had while standing on some San Diego County beach is endless. I spend all my time inside my own head: thinking, wondering, processing.

I remember once as a kid, boogie boarding with my family. My boogie board flipped over and for too long, I couldn’t get on the other side. I was stuck underneath the board. When I finally was able to push the board out of my way (after being sure of my death), my mom and brother were a few feet away, laughing and playing. It was the first time I understood the ocean as a terrible force. I still loved it, but it terrified me.

Something being terrifying and horrible does not stop love. Continue reading “When You Still Love People Who Did Terrible Things to You”


For the Sake of the World Around You, Christians, Please Grow in Love

image1At some point in my young adulthood life, my views on most social politics changed. This is anything but uncommon. You grow up believing in certain truths, but then your eyes adjust to the world around you.

I’ve mentioned this before, but my first “ah hah” moment took place in an APU classroom. I was incredibly conservative on all issues and got into an argument with a very liberal professor. He believed he was right in saying that Jesus would approve Obamacare. That if he were a politician, he would sit on the board and vote a big YES. Besides my own agenda against that, that argument didn’t sit right with me. He asked me why I disagreed and I told him, “Because Jesus wasn’t a politician. That wasn’t what he came here for.” And as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I felt them come back and slap me across the face. Because Jesus wasn’t a politician. That wasn’t what he came here for. Continue reading “For the Sake of the World Around You, Christians, Please Grow in Love”

Christianity, Myself

When Evil Prevails

All this being said: there IS good, and friends are part of that.
All this being said: there IS good, and for me – my friends are part of that.

It’s easier to write about struggles after they have happened. We look back and the lessons God was trying to teach us seem obvious (although I wonder if perhaps we are wrong about those sometimes.)

When you’re in the middle of horrible situations… how do you write? How can you speak? When someone asks you, “How’s stuff with God?” and you just shrug?  Continue reading “When Evil Prevails”