I can’t tell you how many times I have thought this to myself, begging myself to at least appear confident. I look at one of my best friends and simply in her confidence, she unknowingly draws guys to her like magnets.
And I cannot tell you how many guys – guys I’ve dated, guy friends, guys I’ve liked – have told me “Jaymie, you need to have more confidence. THAT is most attractive”. But it doesn’t help.
Last night I was at a fancy dress party. And the dress I wore was a little more showy that what I am used to wearing, being as I usually wear shirts that ride my neck. For many of girls, this is a confidence booster time! For me it was a killer. A compliment from my female friends here and there would give me just enough hope to make it through each of my own killing insults for myself.
I started begging myself, please just act confident. At least for yourself, please! But I couldn’t. Being confident is not something I can be – I am much too insecure and obvious in that emotion.
Then I whispered, finally, “Jesus. Jesus, give me confidence in You. Give me Your confidence. Please”
While my relationship with God is rarely feelings based anymore, I felt this. Physically, I felt myself stand straighter and my chin lift higher. But emotionally, mentally! I felt myself feeling… confident! Not in my appearance. Not in any type of worldly pride. I just had no need for shame. I had no use for insecurities. With the power of Jesus in me, those are NOTHING. Smushed in His love.
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” – Galatians 2:20
And while I struggled throughout the night, I kept taking it to Jesus. And I kept smiling, I kept dancing, I kept laughing.
And it was beautiful. And you know what? I was beautiful.
Because it is ok that I am weak. It is ok that I struggle with a different kind of pride. It is ok that who I am, without Christ, is a huge mess and a wreck.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” – 2 Corinthians 12:9.
What is a weakness of yours? Don’t be afraid to share. :)