When I like a guy, who I am is a lot of what I think about. I judge myself by the standards he might have, standards I create in my head. Often I like guys that I am friends with, so they know my personality pretty well. Focusing on a specific crush that I have, I analyze myself through this filter.
And this was eating at me today: Why am I not good enough?
Seriously. Why did he never like me? What’s wrong with me? What could I change that would make him like me? Should I lose weight? Should I read my Bible more? (Terrible motivation but I’ve thought it!) Should I have more confidence in myself? (Well yeah, but that wouldn’t make him like me.)
I started analyzing this and texted a guy friend or two asking what it was about me that they thought maybe guys didn’t like. One of them made me tell him why I was asking it so I told him about this aforementioned person. He told me to get over the guy, plain and simple. There are other guys out there who will help me get through difficult things and like me. Finally, I got to the core of what I meant. “Not if I’m not good enough” I replied.
Then he asked a question that I’ve never, once, ever, asked myself. “Who says you’re not good enough?”.
It is just hitting me, right now… no one. NO ONE. Just the devil. Just a pathological, pure evil, liar. And even if that was what my dad implied in his actions – no, it is not true; it was because HE did not do his job as a father. Not one guy I have ever liked has looked at me and said “You aren’t good enough, Jaymie. You just aren’t good enough for me”.
Why is this in my head? Because we are humans.
Today’s Ash Wednesday. We remember that we are such huge sinners and the burden of our sin makes us weak. God is our direct access to strength, as He is massive and all-powerful and stronger than ANY force. And the sins that I commit separate me from Him and cause me to open my ears to the devil.
To evil lies.
To anyone is reading this… If anyone ever HAS said that you aren’t good enough, know that you are. That person is missing out on something beautiful if they are willing to hurt you. Walk away from those that hurt you, not towards them. That includes the devil and sin. God loves you, so, so much. Easter is THE time to remember that. There is no greater love and no greater worth than which Christ gives us.
No one can tell me that I’m not good enough with Christ by my side, not even Satan himself. We are made in God’s glory and saved by Christ’s devotion.
I have no idea why we like to hold onto things for so long that hurt us. Ideas that pierce our hearts or a love for an ex-husband that abused us. We are so desperate for someone to say “You are good enough” and there’s Someone SCREAMING it, Someone we can’t hear sometimes.
I am good enough. Not because I wear cute clothes or because I am the perfect person. Not because my hair is long enough or my eyes are green. Not because I agree with what everyone says or scream a girly scream. Not even because I laugh at all someone’s jokes.
I am good enough because I have been redeemed and made new by the blood of Christ and no one can ever tell me otherwise.