If you know the reference, then you can probably picture the scene in Fight Club. If you don’t, then I won’t spoil it for you. But here’s the painfully simple gist: the main character has not known who he is and is learning that.
This is a sentence that I hear myself whisper to my friends when they aren’t listening. This is a very strange time in my life. Even friends that I have had for six or seven years – my life has been such a journey.
At twenty-two years old, I learn new things about myself more than ever. As my friends gain boldness in their conversations, it gives me the blessing of knowing truth.
There’s a person, under my mummy wraps, inside of me. It’s me. But like Fight Club, it’s also not (WATCH THAT MOVIE!). She breathes and moves and speaks… she’s sold out for God. I really like her. We get along sometimes. She’s me. She’s the me that God created. But I bury her in my sin. I tie wraps around myself and allow these wraps to become my identity. If I see myself as simply a hollow version of who I am supposed to be, then I will live that way.
Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. A part of me knows it stems from my past and another part of me knows that most girls struggle with this. I can't blame my childhood forever. I just can't.
I wrote this two years ago (by the grace and revelation of God). It's still worth reading. Please read it and let me know your thoughts - it would mean a lot to me.
The problem with actual good guys (not self-proclaimed good guys) is this question:
“But do you love him for him or because of how he treats you?”
I am going to agree that this is a great question. This is a greatquestion to ask a very vulnerable girl when she starts to date someone who shows her a lot of attention but is not necessarily a great guy. This would have been a great question to ask me when I was fifteen years old. Alas…
There are some people who you will start to love (friendship wise or relationship wise) because they love you. This is the foundation of the Gospel. We love God because He first loved us. That’s a BIBLE verse, guys. This is an okay place to be. It is not wrong to love someone because they love you.
We could spend all day trying to answer the question “What does love mean” but I’ve talked about this before and it isn’t the point of this blog. Let’s assume that when I mean LOVE, I mean it in a healthy way – not obsession or infatuation but instead God’s love through people.
Because I only understand this question (in a good way) in the term of friendships, I’ll focus on friendships. But I’ll tie it back. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ll never forget the shock I felt the first time I heard this commercial. I was sitting in the living room at my house, working on something else, when I caught the end of this ad.
“Because what are you without your stuff? Better yet, without your stuff, who are you?”
Then the commercial is over. Do people really feel this way? Is this a reality? I don’t need to use any Scripture whatsoever to support why that is not biblical. If you know God, at ALL, those sentences do a lot of things to your heart. Above all, it should break your heart. I sat in the room in disbelief. I knew, the first time I heard it, that I would never forget it. And I knew that I would write about it. I still plan to write more but I was thinking about it lately and needed to get it out on an informal platform.
Today in chapel, one of the really popular theology professors, Michael Bruner, spoke about silence. It was an excellent message and if you would like to listen to it, let me know and I will post the link when it gets up online.
So when I got home, I made myself sit in silence for ten minutes. No distractions, no praying…. just sit and think. The first three minutes were incredibly difficult. And I was wondering why. So I decided to think about that.
“You met me at a very strange time in my life.”
